As the final five weeks of (most likely) my last pregnancy tick by quickly I find that I have mixed emotions! I'm happy and sad! Maybe it's just the hormones. I am thrilled to meet Aubree and finally see what she looks like. Will she have the dark curls like Anderson had, or will she be a blondie/blue eyed version of Grayson? I am so anxious to find out and to hold her! On the other hand since this is my last pregnancy, I find that I'm also a little sad! I just LOVE being pregnant! Don't get me wrong, I don't love the weight gain or the aches and pains that I'm now experiencing, but overall I just love the feeling of being pregnant. I love the fact that I can grow a baby in my body and be the one that brings that sweet baby into the world. It's just an empowering feeling. I love to feel her move inside my tummy and after having three live in there I'm still amazed at how it all works and what a gift that God has given me and Brandon. Sometimes at night I'll just lay there and watch her swim in my belly and quesiton why God chose me to give three wonderful children to. How am I this lucky? What have I done to deserve such a wonderful life? It just makes me sad that I will never have another one grow in there. But then I think of how full our family will be and what our future holds. As if we are not busy right now, we will be much busier in the coming years with school and extra activites. Our lives will be full.
And then I think about the numerous people in my life that are stuggling with infertility and I can't help but question why God won't give them another chance at giving a child or another child love. It baffles me. I pray each day that he decides to give each one of them another gift. So I can't be too sad since I know how lucky I am to have had the opportunity to have three children and I'm just so thankful that he chose me to be the mommy to Anderson, Grayson and little Aubree! I hope I can live up to his expectations!
2 comments:
Amy,
You put into words exactly how I felt in those last days with Brody. It's amazing how you can be equally sad and happy at the same time, isn't it. It makes me sad too to think that there will never be another kick or twitch inside of me, but on the other hand, I will hopefully be able to see my feet from here on out!! And also, you are a wonderful mother and it's your 3 children who are blessed to have you for their mother. Now, stop these reflective posts, you are making my mascara run!!
: )
Sweet post, I know just what you mean. A mixed bag of emotions for sure! You will be a great mom to all three and you are so great to count your blessings each day!
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